I want to take this time to share a journey that I took last month, hence the late blog—a journey of healing and perhaps a deeper type of forgiveness. God did not want my experiences to lead me to a place of unforgiveness.
Most of you know that I’ve been finalizing my book, which has taken me seven years to complete. Oddly enough, 7 is the number of completion; how prophetic! This process has unearthed different emotions in me. I had to relieve events and interactions that I’d rather forget.
Forgiveness doesn’t make them right; it sets you free
Our last Bible Study also brought about the topic of forgiveness and love. It was interesting because we were talking about David, going through 1 Samuel 16, but the Holy Spirit prompted someone to ask a question on forgiveness. She said, “when you feel pain from that situation, does it mean you haven’t forgiven?”
You know, God makes no mistakes. As much as I wanted to continue the Bible study and finish the whole chapter, God made us pause in that area. So let’s get vulnerable. While editing my book, I encountered a situation I went through with my little sister. I realized so many moments still hurt me, things she said about me to many others, and things she did. I also noticed that my days began to take me to the past. My experiences with her uncovered other painful memories caused by other people. It caused a ripple effect. I want to show you why it’s dangerous to be in this space. As for me, I had no choice. The book had to be written and edited.
And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return. But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them. [Hebrews 11:15]
The scripture above says if you call to MIND the place where you came out, you will have an opportunity to return. I did bring to mind the people who said hurtful things to me. The Lord told me to put them in the past, but here I was, recalling painful experiences. Once I took a peep, look at the cascade of emotions that came in. I created opportunities to return, and sure enough, I was that little girl looking at the face of my pain all over again. No wonder Lot’s wife was told not to look back. Are you looking back at your past? Are you bringing to mind things God brought you out of? Now, do you understand the plethora of emotions before you?
But here’s another revelation. When you feel the pain caused by that person, are you still in unforgiveness? I believe not, but when you experience the pain and begin reliving all the negative memories and imagining new ones, be careful because you can easily find yourself in a place of unforgiveness. Once you start going down memory lane and can’t stop, you need to find out if you’ve truly forgiven that person.
I had to take a healing journey. God had to settle this matter in my heart once and for all. He had to give me meaning when it came to betrayal from those close to us, especially family members.
I wonder how many of you are on a similar journey? Have your parents hurt you? Siblings? Relatives? Best friends? I hope what God shared with me will help you because it gave me freedom… at last.
Do you see how recalling the past brought everything back? I now more than ever know the danger of bringing to mind painful events. I had to take a breather last month because it was rough in many ways. Seeing such emotions come up also shows what’s still lingering from your past.
In life, there are some things we forgive and heal from, and some we sweep under the rug. We think that life will be easier if we don’t think about them. You see, I’ve gone through many painful moments. When I think about them, it’s just some story that has no effect; but I was surprised that this specific story still affected me. Don’t ignore such moments because they can rise to bring you down at opportune moments.
I prayed to God, and this is what He told me:
- You have an image of her that she is not; you need to let go of that image. It doesn’t matter how much you talk – she still won’t be able to fit that image and perform according to your expectations. She can only live up to her expectations, not yours.
- Accept people for who they are. We want them to change, but it is not our responsibility when they don’t. The Bible says you must work out YOUR salvation with fear and trembling. [Philippians 2:12] Not that I should work it out for you.
- Most times, hurt people don’t even understand that they are broken. They don’t realize they are the drama. They are hurting you because they were hurt by something or someone. So pray that their wound can be healed, and see them through the eyes of love.
- Sometimes I would say, “why are they treating me this way…” I don’t think it’s fair to put the weight of that question on yourself. We come from different backgrounds and social conditioning. Our way of thinking is not the same, so the why should not be placed on you but on them. They can best answer to the rage in their heart or behavior, but that’s not something you should take ownership of.
- We punish ourselves for other people’s pain – no wonder the Bible says, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” [What area of your life needs love in order to forgive that person?]
- I am expecting things from people who are incapable of giving them to me. They are not equipped to do what I imagine they should do-remember, it’s imagination because the person I’d prefer does not currently exist.
- Healing and growth are personal decisions. You have to make that choice for yourself. [Deuteronomy 30:19]
- People will act according to their nature and character. You are not responsible for how people respond to you, but you are responsible for your reactions; I can’t manage other people’s reactions; I can only manage my response.
- See people for who they are, not who you want them to be, because we are not God who can change people [1 Corinthians 3:6-7 ], and they also can’t be changed unless they want to be changed.
The biggest thing is acceptance. Accept people for who they are. I had been holding on to people’s pain, which didn’t belong to me. I will not join that train of sadness. I refuse for my life to be a reflection of them. Them here is not just my sister but everyone who has hurt me. There won’t be a transfer of pain. I refuse to carry that baggage. Jesus took that pain for them; He did that transfer. He took their sins and gave them salvation. He should be the only one to carry that load that weighs deep in their hearts.
the devil wants to make you look like him, so he creates a wound to initiate a transfer—a transfer of his pain, rage, anger, and other filth. There’s something that has been transferred to you. Give it back to the perpetrator and take your rightful position as a child of God.
My job is to continue to pray for all who’ve ever hurt me but from a safe distance. It was time to give all that pain back, and I did. On 3/26/23, God set me free from a deeper type of pain I didn’t know existed. Was it still unforgiveness? No, it wasn’t. We are humans with feelings. It’s natural to grieve over the things people did or said to you; only don’t stay in this place. God has opened many doors in my life and done incredible things. I want Him to do the same for you. Unforgiveness can stop all that.
But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. [Matthew 6:15]
I don’t know if the above points will help you find freedom, but I hope they do. It’s been a week of healing, and God has shared a lot with me, so there is more to come.
[1 Corinthians 13:4-13]
[P.S./ For the purposes of all my writings and books, I do not capitalize any word pertaining to the devil, even if it’s grammatically incorrect.]
