May the message in my story be able to give you strength in whatever you’re going through in this season.
You are chosen and precious, not hated, and rejected.
It’s 2017.
I am in South Africa.
I left New York and moved my life over to a completely new place to seek God’s face. My life had changed and I was discovering myself in new ways. God was growing in me and I was excited. I was helping whoever needed help and also working on my own projects. Everything started off well, and then a tsunami appeared out of nowhere.
I was surrounded by a group of people that were bent on destroying my name. Only I was naive and didn’t know it. People would come to me after “realizing I was such a nice person” [as they said] and spill the tea. This is a part of my story that only a few know, and I share it because I know it will help many people heal from wounds inflicted by their own destiny. It’s never about people. It’s always about your purpose, calling, and destiny. Let’s continue…
Persecutions begin to increase
If it wasn’t one thing, it was another. The lies were increasing daily, and I wondered to myself, “why do these people not like me?” Oddly enough, as a child, I used to ask myself this question all the time. Now it reappears as a grown-up. One day this person would speak to me, the next day they’re angry and filled with rage. It was strange. Why have so many faces?
I didn’t know whom to trust anymore, so I stopped trusting everyone in general. Perhaps it was because I called out stuff that didn’t look right? I am bluntly honest, so If I saw something amiss, I would speak out. There were so many reports about me that I wondered if I had a twin. “Are they speaking about me? Because I didn’t say nor do that!” I would argue with people, all in an effort to clear and defend my good name. It was frustrating.
I know in life we will meet different types of people and not everyone will like us, but in my case, the hate was coming from everywhere.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT sometimes the levels of attacks show the weight of what you carry, because you understand that it's not normal for people to NOT like you for no reason. People don't just hate for no reason. So we then have to ask- what kind of spirit is operating in that person? What are you seeing in me that I am not seeing...? What exactly are you trying to destroy?
And then my projects got sabotaged
Sometimes I blamed it on xenophobia, because well, I was in South Africa; but whether I was right or wrong, I felt like all those things shouldn’t have been happening to me.
Imagine working in a condition where whatever you did was being blocked or destroyed by people. Imagine researching on a 6-month project, only for someone to snatch it from below you or completely sabotage it. Sometimes they wouldn’t even hide their plans. They would do it in front of me to show me the “power” they had. [This, by the way, happened to about 8 different projects – I kid you not!]. Imagine trying to sing at church, only to be denied opportunities, countlessly, and no matter whom you spoke to, no one would help you… no one.
I lost it!
One day I broke down. It was too much.
It was me, in my hotel room. Alone. I’ve never cried like that.
The whole day….I was in tears. I was throwing my clothes all over the room, punching walls – sometimes slumped against the wall, and at times I lay prostrate on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. It took everything in me to not smash things in that room. So many emotions were running through my head.
“Why, God? I thought this is what you wanted me to do? You told me to come here! You told me! Why do you allow these people to do these things to me? WHY?! What have I done wrong?! Tell me, and I’ll fix it. I am sorry. Just fix it!”
I then went to sleep, because I knew in my sleep, God would speak to me. And He did.
“Sheilla, it is well with your soul. It is well with your soul My child.”
I woke up confused and bewildered. How is it well with my soul? How? Nothing seems to go right! God was saying it was well, but my eyes were witnessing contradicting things.
I cried again. All-day I cried. My heart was heavy. I would call my biological father in hysterics and he wasn’t able to comfort me. I also called my friend, and she couldn’t comfort me.
I prayed and went back to sleep. This was the second time.
“Sheilla, sing it is well with your soul. Just sing it is well with your soul.”
I woke up and began to cry once again. The pain was heavy. The thing that was meant to bring me joy, brought me sorrow. How?
A third time I prayed and went back to sleep, and His message never changed. As much as I wanted Him to say different things, His message stayed the same.
“My child, say it is well with your soul.”
I woke up confused and kept crying the whole day. I felt alone and neglected.
My reaction to everything and everyone
A lot of things happened in 2017. Even in 2018. Those were the worst years of my life. But in those moments, I saw God. Looking back, God was always with me, He never left my side and He fought all my enemies for His sake. I focused so much on ‘them’ and what they said and did to me, that I forgot ME. I forgot the work God gave me, and slowly, I started backing out on a lot of projects. I didn’t want anyone to use me anymore. I was done.
Isn’t this what the devil always wants? To frustrate you to the point of retreat? To take everything away from you so that you could GIVE UP?
How I recovered and began to stand tall
I have an amazing spiritual father, and he kept telling me to stand strong. He would remind me of my calling and he told me I had a price to pay, and it wouldn’t be easy. I wanted to give up many times, but he told me not to.
I wanted God to fix it. JUST FIX EVERYTHING JESUS. Isn’t this what you’re known for God? Fixing things? I wanted God to punish the wicked because I felt like Job in the bible. “What have I done?” I wanted him to make all the bad people.to.leave.me.alone. Just leave me alone and let me work in peace.
But God didn’t take me out. He left me there. And many times He would leave me there. TO TEACH ME.
I did an article titled ‘Pain has a Purpose’. Click here to watch the video on the topic for more understanding and clarity on how God refines us in the furnace of affliction.
As a child, I went through many depressing moments, and I felt small and insignificant. I would trust in the wrong people and I always got burned. I grew up thinking I was the mistake and did not understand why people treated me so negatively. I am supposed to be playing with dolls and running around the park, but instead, I was fighting feelings and emotions that I had no control over, nor did I comprehend.
Here I was as a grown up, having those same feelings.
IT.IS.WELL
God in His love was mending me. But in my little understanding, I felt like I was being punished.
“It is well with your soul.”
Now I understand why God was telling me this.
It is well with me because God was on a mission. He was dictating the narrative and so He was always in control. Somehow I thought people were dictating the narrative. He knew no harm would come to me, as long as I paid them no mind. I however did not understand that part at that time. No harm would come to me.
You see, God does not consult your feelings. We are to walk by faith, not sight. The word guides us, not people or events. Despite what was happening around me and how contrary it looked, His word is unchangeable. Oh, Sheilla! If only you had trusted in God’s process and became still. But I don’t blame myself, because I was learning. God was teaching me His ways. 2017 and 2018 were years of teaching for me. I was in God’s class and I didn’t even know it.
Do you know that God is training you? What is He trying to teach you?
So people might have laughed, and yes, many gossiped and mocked me, but my chapter was still being written. Your chapter is still being written as well. Don’t compare your first chapter to someone else’s last chapter. WAIT FOR IT. Your time is coming- that skyscraper is still being built. Many times we lose out on so many opportunities because we react to people. We react to events and experiences. They provoke and poke us, and we react. Reacting is the cause of your downfall, and it shows that you truly don’t understand your enemy. If that person was unmasked and you saw the demon in them talking to you, I bet you wouldn’t waste your time arguing with them. Would you now?
In 2013, God gave me the verse below:
I will not drive them out from before you in one year, lest the land becomes desolate and the beasts of the field become too numerous for you. Little by little I will drive them out from before you, until you have increased, and you inherit the land. *Exodus 23:29-30*
And so….
Little by little, I gained strength.
Little by little, I stopped crying over people.
Little by little, people’s words had no power over me.
Little by little, I saw God, and not people.
Little by little, I began to fly like an eagle and my strength was renewed.
Little by little, I became strong.
Now, when anyone tries to intimidate me, I go to my prayer closet, I bow my knees and pray….and most importantly, I WAIT… And God answers me. God has always answered me. This is the confidence that I have in my father. Compare who I was before to who I am now; Such a drastic difference. To God be the glory.
And so today, here I am – STRONG.
Was it easy? Of course not! And I cried every step of the way. No one wants humiliation, pain, lies, defamation, and torture; but sometimes it comes with the calling.
You keep saying it’s part of your calling, right? So why are you complaining?
Sheilla. A
When God leaves you in the darkness, it’s so that you can learn to find Him there. Despite what manner of darkness you are in, you are to find Him and hear His voice. Sometimes people’s voices can be so loud, that it drowns out the Holy Spirit. Our experiences carry a voice too, and our experiences can threaten our peace, for they too, can be so loud. For me, the voice was saying, “leave. You’re not wanted, look at how they’re treating you. They don’t value you, nor respect you. You’re not loved. What kind of love is this.”
What voice are you listening to?
At this point, God’s voice was trying to guide me, but my experiences dictated every day of my life. Imagine if God had launched me to my destiny then. Would I have been able to take it? To hold on to my crown? To take all the hate? The enmity? What you go through in life is an indication of who you’re supposed to be. Don’t be stuck in the same lesson year after year. Pass the test and move on. Don’t hold yourself back because of people.
I, yes I, am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of mere humans, who wither like the grass and disappear? *Isaiah 51:12*
Despite what manner of darkness you are in, you’ll always be the light, and light can never be overcome by darkness. God is always stronger than people.
It was never about them. It was always about me. Where God is taking me – it requires strength. Where God is taking me, people might come against me worse than 2017/2018. So imagine how I was crying then. Surely, I was in no position to step out and occupy my seat. Every small thing was making me emotional. No! God had to work on me. It was never about them. I was not strong enough.
"If you have raced with men on foot and they have worn you out, how can you compete with horses? If you stumble in safe country, how will you manage in the thickets by the Jordan? *Jeremiah 12:5*
My message to you
We oftentimes pray to God for a blessing, knowing very well, that we cannot carry it. Sometimes we don’t even know we are incapable. We think nah! I am good, I got this! The thing is, when you pray for something, if it delays, it means God is fixing some things on your behalf. It could be that He’s getting YOU ready. We always want to be leaders in something, but the way some of us treat each other, God forbid. He should never give you that blessing until you work on your character.
God wants you to be a blessing to someone, not a misery. Help people. Don’t destroy them. And to those constantly hurting others, whatever you do, kindly note, that in the same measure, it will be given to you. The boomerang effect applies. Until you learn to love His children, He cannot, will not, and will never give you that position. If He does, you’ll be a terror to people. If you don’t change, you’ll forever go in circles, and won’t get what you want, though you sought it with many tears. Work on your heart…
Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. Even though he sought the blessing with tears, he could not change what he had done. *Hebrew 12:17*
God taught me something, that those who limit others, they too will be limited. Those who block others, they too will be blocked. Those who hate others, they too will be hated. So never worry about people. Let them plant their seeds and reap from it. Focus on you. Let them be.
What is God telling you to do??
God was looking for a certain fruit hidden deep inside of me, and it had to be mined out. The bible says in Isaiah 48:10 that we are refined in the furnace of affliction. God surely refined me in His affliction, and in His affliction, I found Him.
In many messages, God would tell me why those things were allowed to happen to me. Sometimes it was so that I could stop being naive. Sometimes it was for me to stop trusting people too much. Sometimes it was for me to knw the truth. Sometimes I spoke too openly about my work and this was immaturity. Sometimes I spoke to the wrong people. Sometimes it was because I never did what He asked me to do, which is disobedience.
The point is this, many times we don’t look at the lesson God is taking us through. We want to blame someone or something. AND WE ALWAYS RUN. I have a problem with people who are quick to blame others. You’re essentially saying that they are controlling your life. They’re running the show. Folks give the devil too much power, and ultimately, you miss out on God’s crucial class. You don’t get it!! IT’S NOT ABOUT THEM. God is after you, not them.
God wanted me to find Him in every situation. God wanted to destroy parts of me that reacted to people and what they said. He wanted my flesh to completely die. It’s a process y’all. God wanted me to see Him and not them. To react to them is to give them power. The only power in your life is God. It’s to Him that my knees bow. I was however bowing to their words. Every time they spoke, I would retreat.
Once God showed me the sword in my hand, I fought back. I fought using God’s word. I took my position in God’s army and fired my shot. Where God is taking me, it requires a certain type of obedience, and His plan cannot be destroyed because of my ignorance or fear. So before He gives me my blessings, He has to get me ready. It was never about them. It was always about me and what God was doing in me.
The price of the call
Most of all, all these things happened to me because I am a child of God. Importantly, I am His servant. Being the title servant of God comes with its own conditioning. It’s not going to be easy, but it’s going to be worth it. As for me, my trials are simply because of my calling. I know who I am, I know my exact office in God’s kingdom, and why I am going through what I am passing through. I thank God that I am surrounded by many mighty generals in God’s army who edify me, pray for me + with me, and encourage me. Pay the price now, and be strong. Persevere, because all things work together for those who love the Lord [Romans 8:28]
12 Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; 13 but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. 14 If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. *1 Peter 4:12-14*
Sometimes it might not make sense when you go through trying times. The trials might be confusing, but if you’re a child of God, you will be sculpted, pruned, and shaped by the experiences you go through. The verse above says that if you are persecuted because of Him, you are blessed. In fact, when we go through such moments, it’s more of a compliment, because heaven’s stamp is on us. Oh! how much joy this gives me!
God is after a certain fruit in you. It’s never about them. I’ll never get tired of saying this. This is personal – between God and you. Never give people the victory. Always give God the victory. You are chosen and precious, not hated, and rejected. Remain strong and always say:
